Animal Keeper's Association of Africa

Written and experienced by Ian Visser
(note from editor—this will have you laughing all over your zoo.  Thank you Ian for your sense of humour.  Jhb zoo has won a good man)

I arrived at the Giza zoo early that morning to observe the animals and their keepers as they geared up for the day. The senior veterinarian assigned to assist me on that day was Dr Karam, an extremely pleasant, urbane gentleman. He was also in the habit of arriving for work early, and we met as I began walking into the zoo.

He asked me what I wished to see that morning.  I elected to walk past the monkey exhibits on the way to the reptile centre, inspecting as we went. Dr Karam was popular with the keepers and they greeted him constantly as we passed. Seeing him, one of the keepers from a little further away called Dr Karam over.  I waited as they approached each other and began conversing earnestly in Arabic. The keeper gestured towards me several times and there was much nodding of heads. Shortly afterwards Dr Karam returned, looking rather pleased with himself.

“Would you like some beer?” he enquired pleasantly. His English was quite good, and only lightly accented. I wondered if I’d understood him correctly. More to the point, I was astounded. I could not have been more astonished if he had stuck his finger in my ear and punched me on the nose. Since the majority of its inhabitants are Muslims, Egypt is a “dry” country. Although it is possible to get a beer, in my admittedly limited experience one could only do so in tourist hotels . Being by no means personally averse to the occasional pint, I had made enquiries to the Junior veterinarians, who had told me that it if one knew where to go, it was possible to buy beer from one of the markets, but that otherwise one was pretty much limited to hotels when it came to the amber nectar. Knowing that Dr Karam was a devout Muslim, I thought he may simply be playing the good host – perhaps the junior vets had relayed my enquiry, and he was simply unmindful of the fact that it was only 08h30, which was a little early for a beer even in my book. Dr Karam did not strike me as a closet alcoholic but then I have been wrong about these things before. I wasn’t superstitious, and if I’d been on holiday it might have been another story altogether, but this just did not seem right.

All of this raced through my mind as, attempting to buy time, I backpedaled idiotically;

“Ah, er, I’m sorry, a what ?”

“Would you like some beer?” he repeated, a little more insistently.

“A beer? Did you say a beer?” I repeated stupidly.

“Yes, beer. There is a small keg of beer in that building.” He said, gesturing to a nearby enclosure.

“Dear God!” I thought disbelievingly, they’ve got a whole barrel of the stuff stashed away in one of the night rooms! The keeper could not speak English, but I could see him nodding in agreement. He seemed quite keen. There was indeed a small keg of beer in the building, and they wanted me to have some of it. Right now. Despite the fact that the day had barely started and I fully expected to be working with several potentially lethal reptiles within the hour.
“Aaaah… a keg. I’m not sure, do you think it’s appropriate?.” I stalled desperately.
“You know it’s quite early?” I appealed to his better judgment. By now, Dr Karam was looking at me with the patient gaze one normally reserves for the village idiot. He spoke slowly;

“Yes, yes, a small keg of beer. Come, lets go. You will like it.” I was caught between a rock and a hard place, and Dr Karam was adamant. He appeared to be a bit disappointed with my reticence and was clearly not about to take no for an answer.  

Mindful of the fact that the conduct of our small group was being watched closely by all of the Giza zoo staff, not to mention PAAZAB from further away, and that each of the members absolutely had to do the right thing at all times, I was concerned about participating in something so blatantly illegal. I was pretty sure that drinking alcohol at the workplace was a whipping offence at the very least, perhaps even worth a good stoning – What if my nemesis, Dr Ali, had put him up to it? I would instantly lose all credibility. Then again, it would surely be considered an insult if I refused my host’s generosity. I knew that Dr Karam had traveled widely, and I found him quite cosmopolitan, who knows what strange traditions he might have picked up in the course of his travels? In vain I wondered what dreadful thing I had done to deserve being put in this predicament.

“Weeeell, ok then. If you’re certain.” There was no way out. Faced with his unwavering insistence, I folded like a pair of twos and trailed helplessly in his wake as he chatted with the keeper. He turned around, the very picture of relaxed confidence, and reassured me;
“Don’t worry, you’re with me. You will like it! No one else has seen it” For some reason, that did not surprise me in the least, I thought despairingly as I racked my brain for any excuse, no matter how feeble, just to be able to back out of this dreadful dilemma.

We walked around the back of one of the large exhibits to the night rooms, in my nervousness I failed to note the occupants as we waited for the keeper to unlock the door. I was cautioned to be careful as we climbed the stairs and entered the service area adjacent to the night rooms, dimly lit by a single naked light bulb. As I entered, I smelled the unmistakable aroma of warm bear in close proximity, but it was only when I heard a staccato warning chuff from the bear sow in the night room on
my left, that the penny belatedly dropped. I didn’t even have to look to know that the “small keg of beer” was in fact a small cub of bear, and I had been asked not if I wanted “some beer”, but rather if I wanted to see the new bear cub!

“You see? it is a small bear!” Both Dr Karam and the keeper were beaming proudly as if they themselves were the parents. Fortunately it was quite gloomy in the room, and they couldn’t see me blushing at my own stupidity.